Confuse and Need Help?

You're in the middle of a midlife crisis gone way south... Your mother's feelings are fairly common for women her age, although her reaction sounds abit extreme. Many people (women & men) have feelings of regret and think that their lives should have amounted to more after many years of marriage. I have several friends who have divorced over this. Some people get over it and stay married and some do not. Your mother is painting herself as the victim because of all the sacrifices she's made, but it doesnt work like that. Only you control your life and only you can change it. If things were that bad she should have done something to change it before she became so miserable. To blame that inaction now on your father, you, or anyone else is petty and immature. She may in fact be angry at herself for not having the guts to change her life for the better. Often it's the husband who gets hit hardest with this, as we have been churning along, also sacrificing for the sake of the family, children, wife's happiness, etc, but never considering just bailing on it all to have a fleeting attempt as a second childhood. Your mother will realize this eventually but for now it sounds like the die is cast. Sorry to hear your father's failing health complicates things; I tend to agree that your mother's pulling this stunt now is cruel and selfish. But selfishness is what midlife crises are all about. I can't offer you much other than to let you know you are not alone many people go through this to varying degrees. Be there for your father - even though he may seem invicible and strong because that's what we fathers try to be - he will be hurting because he has invested a tremendous amount of emotion in your mother and has probably thought of her as his companion and soulmate for life, even if she didn't, and is just now realizing that he doesn't have anyone. He has you of course but that's different obviously. Good luck to both of you so sorry you have to deal with this.